I am Listenering

I saw this band Listener last night in Lancaster. Tom Becker, the head of The Row House, ("Nothing is not Sacred.") brought them to town. The venue was the cool restored Eastern Market. I am still trying to process the rawness and reality of the show. It messed me up. I had to leave early because it stirred my soul so much that I was getting disoriented. You ain't going to hear this music in a Dentist's office. It drills enough on its own. Not soothing, bland, easy listening. A musical storm.   


I have been in deep seas recently and taking on more water was drowning me. Yet, the music was also a lifeline. For if our experiences are not redeemed by first connecting to some greater truth, we are truly jettisoned. Alone drowning. This song Most Roads Lead to Home has some hull-cracking lyrics pounded home by a musical gale (take from it what you will): 

MOST ROADS LEAD TO HOME (the dream miner)
I can’t remember.......making all these visions in my head
but they’re moving in this room........fighting together above my bed
shadows swirling hand in hand........making new faces in the wind
keep trying to help me forget my name, and I keep trying to leave them
our ghosts fill up these hollow walls, empty hands filled with silence
we are still alive from what I’ve seen, heads hanging in the balance
I’ll keep on in this sleep......I’m never gonna find that perfect cure
I’ll hold on to my name, because it’s the only thing I still know for sure
look at the sound of all these people on fire.
I want to be on fire, do you want to be on fire?
but we don’t love ourselves enough, we pack our hearts with medicine
choke our lungs with broke down tries of lesser men
I’d rather give you my name instead of just forget it
because I carry it, but I don’t want to carry it
and so I’ll follow you vision
and listen with my eyes every maze and twist and bend
try to go where you point, step where you recommend
oh lead what I should see great specter
you say: give up, give up, don’t give up
then I won’t give up, because I know I’m not alone
I know that all roads lead to home in some way
and I’m on my way, are you on your way?

show me your life, living, speaking in the night above us
we all survived, in this one place forever with our eyes closed
you are alive, you said it would never be this way, you promised
I am alive, and I said I would never go away, to believe me
but I’m awake now, and I still see you...do you see me.

I am alive............though I might be dead or sleeping
I have survived.........trying to find my way out of leaving
and I’m having trouble leaving........I keep breaking all these oars
I can’t mold what’s not mine.......that ship won’t sail anymore
the journey is the thing................and I’m barely following
like this mirage from inside the back of my head, from just outside my reach
you are survived, you are not alone, don’t give up
‘cause one day I’m gonna write my dad into my dreams
and tell him how his friends still remember him here
show him I became a man, because they all cared in his absence
and I know you held us, your wife held on tight enough for both of you
she still holds your hand every day........
and try to live out your last words............
you are survived, even though we’re still here sorting it all out
we all survived, and are amongst the living and the dead
this name is no longer mine, I can see who I am without it
but I can’t just go around dreaming about luck like that
but we all still bleed, we still need help to breathe
and that’s all mine to carry, help me remember when I wake up
I know that all roads lead to home in some way
and I’m on my way, are you on your way?

show me your life, walking, drifting in the air around us
we all survived, forever and always as we sleep
you are alive, you said it would never be this way, you promised
I am alive, and I said I would never go away, to believe me
but I’m awake now and I still see you...do you see me