365 Days

We just hit the one year mark for COVID-19 in regards to the macro-side of it. The shut-downs, the masks, and the social distancing. Last Spring, Friday, March 13 (I had to check to make sure that I was not just retrofitting Friday, March 13, on to a cataclysmic event), we at school had waited until Friday afternoon to cancel the SAT exam the next day, we were one of the last high schools to do so. We didn't know what the future held but sensed that this was just the first domino to fall in a long chain.  

Soon, everything A-Zoom changed. The New Abnormal. I will never call it the New Normal as it was far too strange and surreal. Everything went remote. I had to upgrade my technology at home to ramp up for the virtual world. New router, new modem, and new Chromebook. New wineskins for a new reality. Change is hard and we often don't play that card until we have to, holding onto old hands until the dealer of life pulls a card off the top of the deck. Adapt or die. 

Last Saturday, we gave this year's SAT. So, the last year started with the SAT and then ended with it.  Book-ended, as they say. I will not miss giving the SAT as I have decided to retire after 30 years as a school counselor. Being an SAT Test Supervisor is part of my job. I try to do it well to reduce the already stressful experience for the kids. Last week, a girl from a different school, just blew through a stop sign, I assume because she was preoccupied and harried by the looming test. I was out directing cars and students to the correct entrance. She could have caused a bad accident as there was a car at the four-way stop intersection that had arrived before her. I didn't say anything. I didn't think an admonition was necessary. I assumed she wouldn't normally do so. Hold your tongue. Grant an unseen grace.

So, what have you learned this year from the lock-down life? For me, it was a return to basics. Good friends, real faith, healthy food, consistent exercise, copious words (podcasts, books, conversations, and writing), reducing alcohol intake, still drinking great coffee, and sleep. Lots of it. The Fall and Winter were so unstable at school I would come home and just sleep. Often, 12 to 14 hours a night. I am fortunate that when I am stressed and overwhelmed by life, I can sleep it off. As far as an addiction, I know it could be worse. 

Sleep stills me and empowers me to face another day. Give us Lord our daily bed.

Now that the ship has gone through hopefully the worst part of the storm on the sea, my hibernation mode is lessening. I am still sleeping more than B.C. (Before COVID) but not 12 hours a day. Insomnia has to be one of the worst maladies to be afflicted by. An anxious and agitated awakeness. It would cause me to go insane if I couldn't sleep off the trauma. And that is what it has been this last year. A trauma. Some have had it much worse than me so I am mindful that I was scraped and scarred by the COVID-19. Yet,  relatively unscathed.

It did cause and create a desire in me to move on from work at the school. I wanted to quit back in October but knew that I had to stick it out. Stay on the deck, face the storm, hold my ground, and keep a steadying hand on the wheel of the school. Be consistent, caring, and competent. Run into the trial rather than away from it. I was just one of many who did so. There were days that were crucifying. Just took the nails.

On Thursday night, due to Governor Wolf prioritizing the Johnson & Johnson vaccine for educators, I got my shot. I waited my turn and didn't overstate my BMI or smoking of an occasional pipe/cigar to jump the line (I felt there were others more needy than me). On the drive back from New Oxford where the shots were administered, it was one of those cold and rainy late Winter nights in Central Pa. Not an easy drive. Made me thankful that even though my windshield wipers had passed inspection, I still had replaced them recently, installing the highest-quality and most expensive pair available at AutoZone. Good enough can be not good enough when the trial hits. For if one cannot see clearly in the storm, the journey and drive will be all the much harder than it already is. Windshield wipers are not made for sunny days and soft breezes. But storms.    

* I think is fair to say that the last year has made me less religious but more philosophical. U.S. Christians on the whole behaving badly in the social, cultural, and political world, has just made me nauseous. We as a crowd, use our spirituality to become more selfish. Jump the line, so to speak. I want no part of it and have left U.S. evangelicalism in my rear view mirror while keeping orthodoxy ahead of me. I am done apologizing, defending, and explaining, the attitude and behaviors of others. I had a lot of run ins with overtly religious people over the last year that were entirely unpleasant. I am hoping in my second act to take this issue on. The Body needs to rid itself of this virus of projection.