Angry Boys - Part III

Little did I know when I blogged about Angry Boys I and II, that the III would be reflecting on the El Paso and Dayton mass murders by young male assailants with highly-lethal guns.

First things first, statistically speaking, the likelihood that any of us will die being shot by a lone gunman we don't know is extremely improbable. Unless things go to hell, and they might, it is really not something that should worry us. The psychological trauma however of seeing these tragedies unfold is very real. And the uncertainty of where and when is next also weighs on us. If I had biological children, I'd worry a lot more than I do. I am 55. My life is probably mostly over. I have concerns for what my students will have to face but I also don't have that parental concern which is completely normal.     

Second, although I don't blame Trump for the killings, he has thrown matches into a very flammable and dangerous cultural gasoline tank. He energizes his base by demeaning others. So,when things go "Boom" we should not be surprised by the damage. He is intentionally and malevolently reckless with his rhetoric, especially along racial, ethnic, religious, and gender lines, and this is what happens when we elect a man who thinks he knows more than he does and is rude and nasty as a way of life. He repeatedly stokes fires by lying, exaggeration, and half-truths. If it was just a "reality show" maybe some of the B.S. Express would be amusing. But, it is our country. Not some fantasy TV show.  The B.S. is wearing thin.

So, now that I have cleared away these two issues, let me get into the weeds a bit about these young men-murderers. Remember, I have worked with young men as a professional counselor for over 30 years.

A common thread in these killers is an abiding sense of grievance in their souls, that somehow life has been uniquely unfair to them. Maybe they have sadder stories than usual. My take is that maybe they have had more trauma but maybe not.  My experiences have shown me that some kids go through awful experiences and it makes them more empathetic to the sufferings of others. Not less so. I re-read the story of Cain and Abel as a prep for this essay and Cain nurses a deep grievance towards Abel based on how God responded to their respective sacrifices. Although much of the story is shrouded in silence, I have to think that somehow Cain's sacrifice was half-assed either in terms of attitude or actions (or both). And rather than repent, he projected his anger onto his brother. Murder was the result. Even in the aftermath, Cain is worried about his own sorry ass rather than the wrongness of what he has done. 

But, for these modern day Cain-like killers, they certainly think they have had it harder than others. So, they might be enraged that the pretty girls turned them down for dates, that they were not one of the cool kids, they sucked at sports, or whatever. The list can go on and on. And in their pain, they feel particularly singled out and lash out at innocent people who really having nothing to do with their story. A profound lack of empathy has taken them over. They don't care for others and probably, if we get down to it, really don't care about themselves in any substantial manner. They are stuck on themselves, but that is not caring in any healthy sense.

I think that our society has to get a lot better at normalizing struggles, stress, and things not turning out as we want. I mean, where did we get the idea that life is not suffering? I try to normalize struggle to students. And the story of humanity has a lot of tears. These young men need to be instructed about Life 101 and get taught the Truth. So, your life is hard. Join the parade of suffering of your fellow humans. Get over yourself. The El Paso shooter wanted to stop the invasion of Mexicans but was he aware that in the Mexican-American War, the U.S. seized great chunks of territory from Mexico (including El Paso by the way) as an act of American Imperialism and was called by U.S. Grant a most immoral war? I doubt it. Instead, he was listening and reading some dangerous fools.     

I do wonder why Europe and most of the rest of the "civilized world" don't have these shootings. I think easy access to guns here through a misreading of the Constitution is certainly a part of it. The militia and "well-regulated" piece goes back to Americans loathing a standing army and the need for common citizens to be prepared to fight. That is, until both the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812 (in particular) showed this as a deficient plan of action.  But, we do enshrine the loner with a gun ethos.

There is nothing well-regulated about our current state of gun affairs (disciplined and orderly, in the parlance of 18th century wording). Second, I think the memories of the Europeans and Japanese about war and violence is still deep in their cultural memory. Many of the current generation adults had parents who may have lost a father in the wars. And, it was fought on the home theatre. After so much devastating bloodshed and loss of life, maybe they lost a taste for it. So, Europe and other countries, despite being intensely less religious, often act more ethically. Try to figure that one out.

It seems like us Americans don't quite understand that fires start small and loom large. And we had better get out or water hoses and fire extinguishers lest we bring fires that we cannot contain. 

* I would add that a preoccupation with violent video games certainly doesn't help and makes these individuals desensitized to killing and better shooters to boot. I am not arguing that video games create violence on the whole but for a segment of the population of young people who do--and who have these deep grievances, it would be foolish to dismiss the harmful effects that are fairly well-documented. An analogous scenario is an inner city kid who listens to violent rap music all of the time. Rather than hearing messages of resiliency, it is all about revenge. Social Media can amplify negative messages, heighten conflict, and the like. The affect of social media is a real mixed bag. Some snakes in there.