Old Man and New Dreams

My dreams when sleeping recently have been dull but dreadful in just an irritating way. Small things going wrong. I haven't woken up with a cold sweat. More just indigestion. My life is pretty good presently. I am in a rut but it is meaningful. I find purpose in my work and fun in my spare time. So, I am scratching my head as to why my dreams have become Kafka-like. Counsel thyself.

For about a decade I decided to push the envelope and live on the edge. Go after a God-sized dream of transforming the conversation about the high school to college transition. Do the work, make the sacrifice, and suffer. All so that I could be seen as one who knew what he spoke and wrote about. Well, it didn't work out real well. Despite earning my Ph.D., it has done close to nothing in regards to opening previously closed doors. I am at peace with how it played out yet it has made me very reluctant to do anything similar in the future with such a heavy cost. No thanks. I like pain but not that much.

So I am cool with just chilling. The cost of this is that I am treading water. So, my dreaming has become squalid. I am not sure how I am going to negotiate all of this but something has to change. I have to find a balance of rut and risk. The rewards have to be weighed. I have licked my wounds enough and am ready to move forward into the adventure God has for me.

As an aside, I want to get back to using my iPad for writing versus my clunky and ossified laptop. So I am going to drop the pictures and the copy and pasting of outside text. Just me. My iPad. And dreaming. Amen.

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