Against the Wind

I have been in the process of rediscovering my joy in sports for sports sake--and all of the sports are individualistic. No crowds, clapping, cheerleaders, coaches, and criticism. Yesterday, I hit the bike and did a rail-trail for about ten miles total. Today, I lifted weights, went to Church, then went to another rail-trail and ran 5 miles.

I compete against myself and no one else really cares. And that is the way I want it. I find joy in the activity itself, be it riding the bike, lifting weights, going for a run, paddling the kayak, or my Back-to-the-Future Retro return to skateboarding. All of the related equipment has been obtained in the last couple of years. Most of it is stacking up in my kitchen which is beginning to look like a Dick's Sporting Goods Store (though my stuff is typically quite a bit higher in quality).

A friend asked me if I was going through a mid-life crisis. I don't think so. I am statistically closer to have a 2/3 of a life crisis if my longevity is similar to most American males. Tall guys die younger, too, Wilt, Moses, Daryl Dawkins. It has something to do with the strain on the heart having to pump through a taller frame. If I was having a midlife crisis, I would do something like buy a Corvette and try to date 20something women. Neither appeal to me. Well, maybe that is not entirely true but let us just say that I am a realist and prefer not spending money to artificially enhance my attractiveness.
  
For awhile, I liked playing sports on a team. But as the crowds got larger I began to feel the pressure to perform. Since I had the gifts of height and being a good athlete, I fell into the sport of basketball. I frankly began to hate it after awhile. I had made being a good basketball player my idol and my self-esteem rose and fell with every shot scored or missed. My left knee buckling was a physical injury with a psychic source from what I surmise. Still is.

It took a very long time for me to untangle the complex nature of how I derived my identity from athletics. I realized that it wasn't the athletic activities itself but all of the surrounding hoopla. In the midst of March Madness, I see millions cheering for players and teams who represent their college or university or some other affiliation. It is really misplaced.

We would all be a lot better off to turn off the television and make sports a personal endeavor and not a spectator sport. Out on the rail trail today running, I saw a few people. It was chilly and quite windy, but still a beautiful early Spring day. The Susquehanna River borders the rail trail and I doubt that there are many rivers left in the U.S. that are as scenic and non-commercialized for as long a stretch close to thriving and growing communities. This part of the river for miles looks as it pretty much did hundreds of years ago when Native Peoples lived near its shores.

I wondered, as I ran against the serious headwind coming off the river and being funneled onto the rail-trail, where everyone was. The wind was powerful but I ran against the wind tunnel back to my car. I have also experienced the same "easy down, hard back" in the river kayaking. It felt good to persist and persevere again the pressure.

It wasn't the pressure to prove I was good enough to anyone else, besides myself. I take satisfaction in overcoming obstacles. It got me lost in my head for awhile thinking about the uses of adversity in general. Running against the wind builds another level of endurance not possible when the wind is at the back. I would say that earning a Ph.D. and writing a book had a similar effect. I just became more capable of increased performance and that is part of my make-up now. The hard has become less difficult because I paid the price previously. That expenditure and effort are still in the account generating interest.

I don't know how long I will be able to be as athletically-active as now. I will take it one ride, one run, one lift at a time. And feel God's good pleasure in it.