Giving Up on Lent

Since I was nominally raised in the Catholic Church, Lenten observance was part of the plan. Ash on the forehead to signify mourning for sin I think. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Since departing from the Holy See Inc., I have distanced myself from what are the dysfunctional dogmas of Catholicism while still retaining a love and appreciation for it when I can in good conscience. I think stained glass is cool.

With Easter a week away, I know that I have to address why I need to reflect on Lent before it is over. So, here goes nothing. Or something.

First, the older I have become, the more I have been able to balance seeing the good and the bad without resorting to one side or the other on some issues. For instance, I thought all of my mom's boyfriends when I was a teen were bums. A few years ago I reconsidered this determination and saw some of the positives that the guys brought into my life. I was being unfair to them, if only in my head and heart. Catholicism has its share of bum theology, ossified tradition that has no biblical warrant. Dead men's bones.  Bad doctrine and ecclesiastical corruption threaten to rot the church from within like a dead tree that falls in the wind.

So enough of the polemic against Rome, what good did Catholicism teach me? That I was guilty, guilty of sin, guilty of Christ's death, Frankly, Protestantism likes to skirt to some degree by the crucifixion of Christ. We make it theological and judicial at the expense of the practical. Although Mel Gibson's film The Passion of Christ was a bloody mess in more ways that one, it was very correct about one thing: The death of Christ was a bloody mess.

Here is the essential truth: Guilt, as far as it goes, is good. Grace makes zero sense, and I mean zero, if we are not truly guilty. Guilty of What? is the modern creed One time I was at a New Age service with my mom (her place of worship at the time) where, no fooling, the band played the tune of Amazing Grace  without the words. Or made up some goofy lyrics where all of the harsh truths were eviscerated.

This was not just some oversight. It does not sound very "God Within" to call ourselves wretches as Watts did in his words to his song. We are wretches before Christ, and even after Christ. The wretch does not die easily. It is warfare and that is why the Bible uses such language. Catholicism also taught me about decency and morality, that what we do matters and can't be ignored as an expression and outgrowth of our faith. When people attempt to be good, there is a wonderful thing about it. Where it begins to falter is when we realize that we can't be good. No, not one. Grace covers our guilt, our gulf, between us and God.    

Lent is one of those practices that I jettisoned when I left Rome. It just seems too much like works-righteousness. I know several people who do observe Lent, Catholics and Non-Catholics--and I am not judging them. If it brings good fruit into their lives, excellent. But for me, being a Catholic gave me terrors that my morality determined my destiny. Lent reminds me of that big-time.

I knew I was not good enough to merit God's favor. I felt trapped by endless accusations of guilt. Grace was the only way out and it is the only way to not get back into that not good-enough theological painted-in-the-corner. The paint of guilt never dries on it own and meritorious deeds do nothing to absolve me of the wrong I have done elsewhere. Judgment Day is not a scale. James warns if we are guilty of one sin we are guilty of all.

Maybe I should be more concerned about my salvation but I take the Bible on its word that "They who calleth upon the Lord shall be saved." One does not have to be a Bishop to understand this truth.

Here is what I have discovered about Lent-like practices for me: It actually drives the desire deeper into my heart of whatever I have given up. While I have fasted in the past for a day or two, I found the longer I went the more I obsessed about food and it wasn't real productive past 48 hours or so.

Visions of burgers hovering just out of reach was all that I got past a certain point. I think it is important to be clear about some things at the juncture of this essay. There are things that are clearly wrong in the Bible--witchcraft, sexual immorality,stealing--and the host of other non-negotiables. Some fruit is poison. Soda is uniformly awful. Quit that if you can pronto.

We are to flee from such things. There are other things, like food, alcohol, sex--where parameters exist in the expression of practices. Paul warns married couples to not abstain from sex for too long lest they be tempted. One could also theorize that is true about food and drink. I am convinced that the students at my school are addicted to their smart phones as I see them walk and text or play games up and down the halls of the high school. So, it would be good for them to leave it alone for a spell and look up and around at the world around them. Wonders to behold. In person and not virtual reality. Just reality.

I have really cut down on my beer consumption, as I have noted previously in this blog recently, by actually drinking more in an on-and-off daily fashion (a beer or two). That is, if I want a beer with dinner, I will have one during the week. What I used to do was rarely drink during the week and then open the beer fridge more prodigiously on the weekends. So, I am actually drinking less, much less--by drinking more consistently. This has surprised me frankly. Abstention from alcohol is not realistic for me over the long-haul. Neither is coffee. I consider them good gifts where God expects me to be mature and not reckless. I have also really cut down on my coffee too and enforced a strict "No coffee after noon" policy. I am sleeping more soundly and no longer have free-floating anxiety that I think was a consequence of not being sensible about coffee and caffeine.  

This weekend, I have had three beers. Today zero. The lure is gone. Don't get me wrong, I still love beer yet it is now getting back to a place where it is just a part of life. I know moderation can be a re-opening of a door of destruction for some but for me keeping the door open dissipates the desire. Again, I am not sure what to make of all of this. I am still only a few months into this new approach so I don't think I can announce it as a done deal. We have all heard of those who abused something, gave it up, and then began to dabble with it again and then went deeper and deeper. I heard a story recently on NPR about a woman who had been a problem drinker then gave it up but then got back into moderate use, founded a moderation organization, and stumbled back into the pit. I think she killed herself and others in a drunk driving accident. We are to be wary and wise.

I might just have a beer now that I have written this piece. Then again, I might now. No bigee either way.