And My Sleep Was Sweet To Me



Jeremiah 31:26

 Upon this I awaked, and beheld; and my sleep was sweet unto me.

 I have been struggling with semi-insomnia every night for the last week or so. My urinary alarm wakes me up about 3:00 AM and then I have been having a challenging time getting back to sleep. I set my alarm at 5:20 daily (M-F) so it is has been the case that I may be up for an hour and then drift off again or be up for the two hours until arising. My dreams have been unsettling and disturbing. I have started calling it my 3:00 AM Confessional.  A place of peace, my bed, has been upended. 

 Sleeplessness is not normally something that happens to me, so I figure that there must be a reason why this is occurring. I believe God is trying to get my attention. Some hard things have happened recently. I was hoping for deliverance and it didn't transpire. I have been down a lot in my life but God has always brought about a better thing because of the loss. This time, it just seems like God is going to deliver me in my loss and not from my loss. A much different reality. 

 I was listening to one of my favorite pastor's podcast today and he made an offhand comment about being awoken at 3:00 AM. He mentioned that God may be asking for us to pray for someone or trying to accomplish some purpose. I wondered if God had inspired the preacher to insert this comment just for me because frankly I have been discouraged. He knows the hairs on my head and I figure it could be God's way of letting me know that He has got this. 

 He also gave me this chapter in Jeremiah to read which promises restoration for the people of God. Prophets usually had hard lives and I am sure most of them had a hard time sleeping. So, Jeremiah's sound and sweet sleep was not typical I am certain.

 I feel like I have let God down with some of the things that have happened and it has introduced into my spirit a fear that I may not be as good a follower of Jesus as I had thought previously before the trials.  I have a vulnerability internally that has been cracked open wide and wonder has poured out asking what I could and should have done differently. I know that I am being vague.

 One theme that seems to come to my mind a lot is self-righteousness and how dangerous it is. In my semi-conscious state at 3:00 AM I saw in my mind the tape that is wrapped around crimes scenes but instead it was wrapped all around me. No something away from me that I could gaze upon as an onlooker but I was the crime scene. I suppose it is a good thing to be reminded of my guilt, for if I know my guilt, it is the first step to being forgiven. At the 3:00 AM confessional.   

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