40

40

My Dad called me the other week after reading about my bout with insomnia and related difficulties. He was worried that I was cracking up. My sleeping has pretty much settled down like the sea after a storm. A lot just hit at once and I had to ride it out, as rough as it was. I assured him that I was OK. Took on some water and have been bailing out. Got sick on top of it all.

Insomnia is a devil. The lack of sleep creates exhaustion with a heaping helping of anxiety. The anxiety keeps one up while exhaustion eats away at the spirit. Damnable.  

I have been turning quite often to the Word and preaching these days. I see how insipid smart phones can be yet it is quite remarkable to have access to world-class teaching through podcasts. Just ordered Rick Warren's Transformed workbook and DVD after subscribing to his daily podcast. Very practical. I feel as if I have to return to the fundamentals of the faith. I can get lost in theology and scholarly pursuits. I need a reminder at times to simplify. There is a time to be intellectual because it is how God has gifted me. It is just good to remember that I need to love God and people. The rest is just details. We have to lead with our hearts. Emotions must be expressed constructively. If not, addictions inhabit the dark shadows of non-expression or explosiveness.

I have a lot of respect for Rick Warren. He is genuinely friendly, humble, and Bible-based. Not a right-winger. I know the suicide of his son has devastated he and his wife. Can't be easy to carry on sometimes but the Warrens demonstrate a remarkable sense of peace in the middle of their pain as parents. Triumphing through tragedy as it were. A reminder that blessings and trouble often come simultaneously. The Warrens are dedicating their ministry at Saddleback Chuch to addressing mental health, something that the Church doesn't take as seriously as it should.  

I had an odd thought go through my mind the other night. I wondered how many books of the Bible had 40 chapters or more. 40 is a symbolic number in the Bible for waiting. 40 days and nights during Noah's Flood, 40 days of Moses on the mountain receiving the Commandments, 40 years of the Jews post-Egypt wandering in the desert, Jesus in the wilderness fasting for forty days and nights. Etc.  

Most of us are familiar with Psalm 40 where David writes, "I waited patiently for the Lord." The band U2 famously put this Psalm to music in their early days. The books of the Bible were not originally broken down in chapters and verses and some chapters can be quite long or short. So, it is not quite a infallible measure of length yet I think it is fair to say that the longer a book is in the Bible, chances are it is dealing with some monumental events and a lot of history. It was a rather interesting exploration and the Chapter 40's in the Bible were typically about awaiting for reconciliation. In Exodus, there is a lot of details about the building of the Tabernacle. In Isaiah, it is God comforting His people after judgment has run its course. Jeremiah 40 is still pretty bitter to the taste as is Job 40. Ezekiel 40 is the restoration of the Temple. That is it for the books of the Bible that are 40 chapters or more, in addition to Genesis.

I was drawn to Genesis 40. It is the chapter where Joseph interprets the dreams of Pharaoh's Baker and Butler. The Baker gets hanged in three days and the Butler is set free. Both were in prison at the same time of Joseph for a spell for some offense against Pharaoh great or small. It seems that Joseph thinks that the Butler will remember him when he gets out and will deliver Joseph from his unjust imprisonment pronto. Joseph had been sold into slavery by his vengeful brothers when he was 17 years of age. Now, he was 27, the last decade he had either been in servitude and slavery or in prison. Joseph spends another 2 and a half years imprisoned until the Butler remembers the Hebrew who can interpret dreams. Pharaoh has been having some dreams that no one in Egypt can discern. Finally, Joseph is freed after 13 years. He rises to second of command in all of Egypt and shows remarkable wisdom and charity in saving Egypt from starvation, which ultimately results in him also saving his own family from famine.

His dreams of ruling over his brothers comes true after all. Little did he know when he dreamed these dreams of preeminence as a lad of how hard it would be for him. I have to imagine that his heart had become hard at times to God's purposes. He feels forgotten and forsaken.

I suppose I derive a lot of hope from Joseph's story. Many things have not gone as I have envisioned yet God seems to be whispering to me "40"--to be patient. I don't know the end from the beginning as He does. There have been moments recently where the Word of God or a Preacher has mentioned something that seems particularly crafted to my needs. Not just some general encouragement but specific truth that seems custom fit for some of the questions I have been struggling with in my life.

When you are in the middle of a trial, remember that God is working for your good. You don't see it yet. You just have to endure and keep doing the right thing for the right reasons. God will deliver you in due time but there is a lot going on that we are not aware of at the time. In retrospect, it often makes more sense. Or maybe it doesn't.

I have a five mile run to the river and back that I did once again today. I have a rule to never stop and walk. No matter how slow, I just keep running. Keep running.