Commencement Speech: Class of 2013

 





Ecclesiastes 5:18

 

Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. 

 

Dear Class of 2013:

 

Commencement Addresses are not long remembered. Unless really bad or really good. Or, if I were to so something dramatic or irresponsible. Like shooting off Roman Candles from the podium. Or show up in my boxers. Or belch. However, one key to giving a good speech is to remember your audience. Thus, I will try to remember what it felt like to sit where you are now seated, but also to provide a quarter of century of advice that I have learned since college graduation. Another tip: Be brief!

 

Back in college, my roommate Bill and I watched David Letterman nightly. This is when he was on NBC at 12:30 in the morning, following the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Who? Ask your parents, or your grandparents. Watching Letterman nightly made it quite difficult for me to primed for my Precalculus class at 8:00 am four days a week. Even under the best of circumstances, with me more wide awake, Precalc was a tough road, just made tougher by a lack of sleep. I still recall the shocked expression of my Math professor when he calculated my grade to find that I had passed with a "D." He made a comment to the effect that he had never seen a student pass with so few extra points. Like to think that I had it under control.  

 

Letterman still does his Top Ten Lists and in that spirit, and to show that watching all of that Late Night served some purpose, I offer these to you:

 

10) Keep short accounts with people in terms of negative events. Be wise about further interaction yet always keep the door open for a better day. First impressions can be wrong. Seek to be at peace with all but also keep your secrets to yourself or a few trusted individuals.

 

9) Try to maintain a sense of humor. It is wrong usually wrong to laugh about others' pain but if it is your pain, you can do with it as you wish. There are many mini-tragedies that become hilarious if you just step back far enough to provide some perspective.   

 

8) Work for results rather than being right. Keep your eye on the objective. People do things in different ways and if it works for them, let it be. Type A people in particular seem to think that everyone should do something the way that they do it. Get off your high horse. It is too easy to get shot at.

 

7) Don't rejoice in the falling of your foes. I have had several enemies in my professional career, some of whom seemingly made it their cause to make me miserable when they had half of an opportunity. Yet, I was perceptive enough to know that even if it was hard for me to not take it personally, these individuals were also ticking off a lot of other people. Over time, they suffocated on their negativity. But when they fell, I checked myself from rejoicing over their destruction. I was also relieved that I didn't have to deal with them any more. That's different.

 

6) Don't settle in a rut and stop growing. You are either getting better or worse. Entire occupations like Travel Agents are disappearing from the digitally-driven economy. Just because you can do something does not mean someone can't figure out a way to do it better without you. Too many people waste their time with mindless entertainment rather than learning about where things may be headed and what they need to do to get ready. Don't be on the Titanic dancing when you should be learning to swim. I went to go earn a Ph.D. when I was 36. A decade later you could call me Dr. It was the perfect risk that stretched me.  

 

5) Handle conflict privately. I see a lot of people who try to get back at others through third parties. All that does is make a mess. It is OK to seek counsel on difficult situations but don't put others in the place of solving your problems with other people. That is your job. Stay away from the temptation to run others down on social media, which is a great way to make an enemy for life as well as create a audience salivating on the interpersonal carnage in the online Coliseum.

 

4) Admit your mistakes. It is not a lot of fun to admit that you have screwed up. But, let me clue you in on something. Others already know or soon will of your errors. The sooner you fess up, the sooner you can get to a solution. Particularly with a supervisor. Don't make them look bad because of a mistake you made further compounded into complexity by the lack of informing them.

 

3) Failure is not final. I know that it is a cliche but it is true. Failure allows the phoenix of your genius to rise again, leaving behind baggage that weighs you down. I had to resign from my first school counselor job after grad school. I tried to learn the lessons and not repeat the same mistakes. I made new mistakes in my new position but at least I didn't have to start from the beginning.

 

2) Don't be a jerk. I recently watched the Steve Martin film The Jerk and had to turn it off because, well, he was acting like a jerk. Nothing dooms people faster than a bad attitude. Learn to show appreciation, respect, and listen to others. Asking a neutral question is tactically a much safer place to be  than making an assumption or an accusation. If your suspicions are correct that someone did something wrong, perhaps even in malice, it is much safer to let their words convict them rather than yours.

 

1) Be relentlessley honest yet diplomatic. A lack of honesty is not just bad policy, it is bad personally. No one trust someone who is mistrustful. Rather obvious. However, use discretion of what you say and when. Letting a storm pass and then speaking often is better than trying to scream in the storm.

 

So, there it is. Lincoln said something to the effect that no one would long remember his speech at Gettysburg. He was wrong because he was so right in what he had said. I hope that these brief words both inspire and assist you in your battles in life.

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