Whopper

For the Scripture says, "You shall not muzzle an ox while it treads out the grain," and, "The laborer is worthy of his wages." (1Tim. 5:18)

When Thomas Aquinas began to attend classes at the University of Paris in the 13th century, he seldom spoke up in class. His fellow students thought that his silence meant he wasn't very smart, so they nicknamed him "the dumb ox." (from Our Daily Bread)

The Urban Dictionary definitions of dumb ox:

dumb ox dumbbell stupid dork donkey dimwit cretin boob blockhead ass torpid thick slow-witted sluggish simpleton stolid slow simple-minded simple phlegmatic obtuse numskulled nitwit nincompoop moronic moron meathead lunkhead lethargic jackass imbecile impassive imbecilic ignorant ignoramus halfwit half-witted fatheaded feebleminded foolish dunderhead dunce dumb-blonde dumbo dummy dull dumb dumb head dumdum dumb bunny doltish

I kind of like the word doltish the best...followed by obtuse as a runner-up. No, I changed my mind...I like torpid best. So many words...here's what a word geek I am...I love reading the Dictionary. Might I add turgid? Turgid means pompous. So it would be torpidly turgid or turgidly torpid (some lethal combo of stupidity and bombastic...better to be silent if that is the case). Boy, I have had way too much coffee this morning as I write this...this is starting to look like a madman's screed...

OK, I confess that I like Jack-Ass the best. But, that is not polite.

This is actually not a story about St. Thomas Aquinas at all. Just thought the word Ox had some potential so I did some searches. Kind of like the cartoon before the serious stuff. Now, onto the ponderous and the profound. I might even work St. Thomas Aquinas back into after all. This is my ADD kicking in prose-wise.

First, I want to share what I did yesterday...I helped afflict the 11th graders of America with the annual rite of the spring SAT's--kind of like an academic hazing of sorts into the gauntlet of academia and the college vocation. Since I was the test supervisor, the dark overlord over the whole operation, I was doing the checking in. Kids from my high school were coming up to my altar of inspection, their ID's and admission tickets in their shaky hands . I granted them admission to an excruciating (almost 5 hour) experience--felt like an East German border guard back in the day, operating as the front man to the interrogation room.

Administering the SAT is something that College Board pays us guidance counselors to do. With the 113 kids that we had take it yesterday, that translates more of less to about a $ 5,000 take at the gate. Of that, the staff gets compensated approximately a 10% cut of it for our duties. Despite the modern belief that testing is meant to limit opportunity, tests such as the SAT originated in the idea of meritocracy rather than aristocracy; that is, the originators and early proponents saw standardized testing as a way to identify bright and talented kids throughout the strata of society. It has not turned out that way (like most things man devises, plans to awry)

This gets us into a much wider debate on whether testing winds up reinforcing Socio-Economic-Status because poor kids generally go to poor schools and get a poor education. Such kids tend to do poor on the SAT. Thus, the SAT winds up being just one more way to destine students to their close to preordained fate...but to do it in a quantified (and what would appear to be objective) scientific manner. Make no mistake about it, SES (Socio-Economic-Status) is the highest predictor of college attendance and graduation...much greater than achievement test scores, IQ, race, gender, etc. I takes a special school full of passionate people to reverse this economic and academic dissipatory osmosis. But, I rant.

Why I chose the Bible verse about the Ox, is that after the SAT is over, I have a yearly tradition of going to eat a Whopper, fries, and inhaling a chocolate shake (I work, I reward). This pilgrimage harks back to my youth. My dad would take my brothers and I to yearly Phillies game where the pre-game ritual was to go to the local Burger King and consume the above tasty troika. There were other Phillies games that we would go on occasion but only once a year would we do the BK run. So, I have wound up having a fixation with Whoppers over the years (I actually prefer McDonald's fries and Wendy's chocolate shakes now...).

The Whopper became kind of like a "Holy Grail" of food. My parents did not frequent fast food places a lot with us when we were kids--something that I am thankful for as an adult. Going to BK for a Whopper was a special experience, not an everyday thing. Its scarcity gave it its value.

Like the Thomas Paine quote:

"What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly; 'Tis dearness only that gives everything its value." (see like inscription on the the Arch at Valley Forge picture to the right).

This is something to keep in mind with the proposed Obama stimulus package...more slop for the hogs (I know I have to be cautious about calling people pigs; by pigs I want to zero particularly on the politicians who reward themselves under the pretext of helping others...then act all charitable...yeah right).

To reward without achievement (especially to reward failure does one thing...it inevitably creates more failure). You don't break an addiction to drugs (or otherwise) by giving the addict more of the drug he is addicted to. Instead, the prescription is abstention and detox. This country needs to get on wagon, get strapped to the floor, and have a supervised visitation of Delerium Tremens (Fr. Wikipedia: colloquially, the DTs, "the horrors", "the fear", "the abdabs" or "the rats"; afflicted individuals referred to as "jitterbugs" in 1930s Harlem slang; literally, "shaking delirium" or "trembling madness" in Latin. An acute episode of delirium that is usually caused by withdrawal or abstinence from benzodiazepines or barbiturates and other minor tranquilizers).When caused by alcohol, it occurs only in individuals with a history of constant, long-term alcohol consumption).

But, yesterday since I worked, I rewarded. I consumed that Whopper with vigor. To show what a benevolent man I am, I even let Lina take a few chomps at it. That is like a dog letting another dog chew on his favorite bone.

As an aside on Whoppers. A couple years back, in one of my doctoral classes, the professor used the word "Whopper" in her class lecture. One of my classmates, a bright Korean man, after the class waited in line with a question. When it came his turn to ask the professor a question, he queried, "What does a Whopper (the hamburger) have to do with what you were talking about in your lecture?" The professor was of course using the word "whopper" to denote a lie. It was interesting to see that he had some cultural context for processing the definition but not enough. He said that his kids liked "Whoppers" (and his kids probably did not use the word whopper--smaller case--to describe a lie).

So to tie this mess all together....St. Thomas the Dumb Ox...SAT's...Whoppers....Thomas Paine...The Stimulus Package.

Walker Percy said,“You can get all A's and still flunk life.” Or, good SAT scores, I might add.

OK, I admit I can't tie this all together. Get from it what you can. I run from it like a hot steaming pile of something fulsome: (I like # 2 definition the best...kind of like the Whopper itself if I eat it too often and too much).

1.	offensive to good taste, esp. as being excessive; overdone or gross: fulsome praise that embarrassed her deeply; fulsome décor.

2.	disgusting; sickening; repulsive: a table heaped with fulsome mounds of greasy foods.

3.	excessively or insincerely lavish: fulsome admiration.

4.	encompassing all aspects; comprehensive: a fulsome survey of the political situation in Central America.

5.	abundant or copious.

I wonder is St. Thomas would like Whoppers? I bet he would do well on the SAT.'s.

There I did tie it all together!